I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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