We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
