i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
