Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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