Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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