Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
