genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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