too bad you live with your parents still
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
