genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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