Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
