is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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