He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
