I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
