Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize