so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
