wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
