i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize