So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
