"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
