please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
