Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
