I wanna bring you to show and tell
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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