Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
