allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
