life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
