The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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