I could make wine with my vomit
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
