she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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