I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
