I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
