I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
