I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
