your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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