I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
