Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize