Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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