its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
