By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
