I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
