you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
BRING THE BAGELS
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
