Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
