is your mom at the bar?
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
