She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
