PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
