please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize