eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
