There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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