i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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