I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
