office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
