Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
foreskin is a definite game changer
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
