I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
