So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
