I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You know, be my cock's hype man.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
