I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
