i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
