I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize