nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
