There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
