Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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