Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
