I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize