Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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