is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
