He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i now understand why vodka
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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