summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
