I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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