His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize