She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
