I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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