so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
