All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
