Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
