we made out on top of his cat.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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