she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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