i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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