i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize